I’m writing to you because I want some kind of closure. I am not happy with what happened or the way it happened, but I don’t want to change the way it ended. I won’t be able to do it, even if I wanted to.
What happened broke my heart. I am writing this to you, knowing that you might not be able to read it. I don’t know if I care. I just want to tell you some things and please, please, don’t ask me who I am. It doesn’t matter. You will never know me, because I am writing to you from the past.
There’s nothing I could say to you that you don’t know already, but I just feel like I need to remind you of… well, you.
You’re the most brave teenager, girl, human being I’ve ever had the pleasure to know. Sometimes I wish I could steal some of your bravery and use it. I need it. I wish I could face my fears, the way you do. Ever since I’ve met you and I’ve found out that this kind of bravery actually exists, I’ve been trying to face my fears. I’ve been trying to be brave, dauntless. And maybe, just maybe, I’ve succeeded, in a way.
I’m afraid of dark. I can’t walk at night without being afraid that someone is following me. I can’t walk to the bathroom without turning on the lights. But now, all I want to do is walk in darkness. And I’m doing it. You’ve helped me a lot, and I can’t tell you how thankful I am for that.
But I am also afraid of the darkness inside me, the darkness that sometimes takes over me and turns me into someone I don’t recognize. And this is where Tobias helped. He thought me, as well as you did, to accept my demons and to try to use them for something good.
I’m still struggling with the spiders. God, such hideous creatures! My skin crawls at the mere thought of seeing one.
I’m not afraid of much. I consider myself quite fearless, but I still need to face some of the fears I have. I don’t want my fears to go away; I want to have the power to control them.
Something I learned from you and Tobias. And I am so thankful for that. So, so thankful.
You are also a smart person. I admire your way of thinking and sometimes I wish I could listen to my instincts the same way you do.
See, there’s another rthing you’ve thought me. To trust my instinct. I’ve started trusting my insticts more than before ever since I’ve read your story.
And I’m also willing to take risks. I’ve learned (from you, among other people) that in life, we have to risk in order to achieve something. And this is what I am going to do from now on. Risk.
I am almost 16, so we are the same age. But we are so different. I admire you so much, because you’re so true to yourself, so loyal, so courageous. So selfless. So loving. So caring.
You’re so many things I want to be but I can’t yet.
Wherever you are, I hope you’re happy. And I hope that one day, you and Tobias will get your happily ever after.
You and Tobias are so lucky. Yes, you still are. By the age of 16, you’ve found true love and you’ve lived it. I haven’t yet, but I’m ok with that. I’ll find it someday, and I’ve learned that from you.
I’m trying to be brave, Tris. And I hope that someday, when my time will be up, I’ll be able to say that I’ve made it. And if I will, I want you to know that you’ve helped me.
I’m still heartbroken and you will also be one of my favorite persons.
I respect you so much!
Thank you. Thank you for all you’ve done for me, for the great memories, for the heartache, for the smiles, for the laughs, for teaching me to be brave, for teaching me how to embrace myself.
Be brave, Beatrice.